Alina Silva
Notes on fine print and plain language
Alina Silva
Notes on fine print and plain language
Advice about plain language is easy to agree with and surprisingly hard to apply. "Use short sentences" and "avoid jargon" sound obvious until you are staring at a real paragraph that refuses to cooperate. So instead of another list of rules, this page takes one invented but very typical clause and rewrites it in small, visible steps. Each step changes one thing, so you can see what each change actually does.
Here is the clause. It is made up for this exercise, but you have almost certainly read something like it in a subscription agreement:
"Notwithstanding any provision to the contrary herein, termination of the Subscription by the Customer shall be effected by means of written notification to the Provider no later than thirty (30) days prior to the commencement of the subsequent billing period, failing which the Subscription shall be deemed to have been renewed for a further period equal in duration to the initial term, and any fees paid in respect of the current period shall be non-refundable save as otherwise required by applicable law."
That is one sentence of 82 words. It contains at least four separate pieces of information, and a reader has to hold all of them in mind at once to understand any of them.
Before changing a single word, list what the clause is trying to say. Here it comes down to four points:
This list is already more useful than the original. Writing it out is the most important step, because it forces you to decide what the text means before you decide how it should sound.
Now turn each point into its own sentence. Long sentences are not wrong in themselves, but a sentence that carries four ideas makes the reader do the sorting. Splitting them hands that work back to the writer, where it belongs.
The original is full of hidden actors: "termination shall be effected", "shall be deemed to have been renewed". Who terminates? Who deems? Rewriting in the active voice puts people back into the sentence: "you can cancel", "we will renew". It also tends to make sentences shorter, because the grammar no longer has to work around a missing subject.
"Termination", "notification" and "commencement" are verbs dressed up as nouns. They make a text feel formal and slow it down. "Cancel", "tell us" and "starts" carry the same meaning with less effort. A quick test: if a noun ends in "-tion" or "-ment", see whether a verb would do the job.
"Notwithstanding any provision to the contrary herein" and "thirty (30)" are habits from legal drafting. In a consumer text they mostly add weight without adding meaning. If a phrase genuinely matters, for example because another clause conflicts with this one, it is better to say so directly and point to the other clause.
The single most important fact for a reader is the 30-day deadline, because missing it costs money. In the original it sits in the middle of the sentence. In a rewrite it should come early and use a number, not words.
"You can cancel your subscription by writing to us. Please tell us at least 30 days before your next billing period starts. If we don't hear from you in time, your subscription renews for another full term. We don't refund payments for the current period, unless the law requires us to."
That is four sentences and 51 words. Nothing has been removed: every condition from the original is still there, including the legal exception at the end. What has changed is the order, the voice and the vocabulary.
Plain language is not the same as simplifying away the awkward parts. If the original says fees are non-refundable, the rewrite must say so too, and just as clearly. The aim is a text that is easier to read and exactly as accurate. A good check is to read the original and the rewrite side by side and ask, point by point, whether a reader would come away with the same obligations. If the answer is no, the rewrite is not finished.
It also helps to read the new version aloud. Sentences that sound natural when spoken are usually the ones readers understand on the first try.
Pick any paragraph you find hard going, from a rental agreement, a phone contract or an app's terms, and run it through the same six steps. You don't have to publish the result. Even a private rewrite in your own notes tells you what you have actually agreed to, and that is the whole point of reading fine print.